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Description:
Have you committed this literary sin? Head hopping, or jumping from one POV to another in the same paragraph, scene, or chapter, can throw readers off as to who's really telling the story. This can pull a reader out of the narrative, and a confused reader is more likely to close the book! This, our first installment of the Literary Sins Series, addresses what head hopping is, how to spot it, and how to avoid it.
Listen
You are listening to The Novel Writing Podcast, episode 147.
I'm your host, Colleen Mitchell. Grab a cup, cozy up, and let's get to writing!
Literary Sins Series Introduction
Today's episode is the first in a long series I'm calling the Literary Sins series, all about those things authors do (or don't do) that drive readers nuts, and how to avoid them (or not).
First Sin: Head Hopping
First up in this series is the sin of head hopping.
This one typically only applies to 3rd person limited POV stories and 1st person stories. Third person omniscient stories can get away with it because it's allowed by the style, but only when done correctly.
Definition of Head Hopping
Head Hopping, if you've never heard of this sin, is when an author jumps from one character's POV to another character's POV without warning, usually in the same chapter, scene, or even paragraph. It's normally indicated by emotions, dialogue, or thoughts swapping between characters when the established POV wouldn't allow for that cross-knowledge.
Example of Head Hopping
How this looks in practice for a 3rd person could be something like this:
Julie tensed when she felt Tom's shoulder bump against hers. She still hadn't forgiven him for what he'd done to their family, and he hadn't done a great job of apologizing for any of it either. Tom's heart fell when Julie pulled away. He didn't know where to even start with fixing things between them.
Did you spot the head hopping?
We go from Julie's physical sensations (tensing) and thoughts (not having forgiven Tom) right into Tom's internal sensations (heart falling) and thoughts (not knowing where to start fixing their relationship).
Why Head Hopping is a Sin
The reason this is a literary sin is because it violates the rules of point of view. Point of view establishes whose eyes the reader is experiencing that part of the story. If the chapter starts in Julie's POV but then flows into Tom's and then back again, the reader is at risk of being confused about whose emotions are whose, whose thoughts are whose, and what is really important to each character.
Point of view should be established by who is most impacted by a particular scene or chapter, or who is driving the story forward. When authors head hop, it dilutes the power of that section.
Head Hopping in First Person POV
But what about in first person? If the entire story is in one character's POV, or each chapter is told in a different character's first person POV, you still run the risk of head hopping if the POV character is aware of the internal sensations, thoughts, or feelings of another character.
Here's an example.
I watched as Nico strolled across the courtyard, his beady eyes scanning every dark crevice for me. He was filled with disdain, and couldn't wait for his chance to get into a fight. I couldn't wait either.
Did you spot the head hopping here?
It's in first person POV, but the character is aware of Nico's intent (scanning every dark crevice for me), his feelings (disdain), and his thoughts (he can't wait to get into a fight).
How to Avoid Head Hopping
If it's unclear whether you're head hopping, ask this question: How does the POV character KNOW that about the other character?
So if this first person example wasn't obvious, the question is HOW does the MC know all those things about Nico? The answer is, the MC doesn't, and can't—unless it was established in an earlier scene and this is just referencing it. But the way this was written counts as head hopping, because it has the potential to confuse the reader as to whose POV it really is.
So how do you avoid head hopping, regardless of which POV you're using?
Filtering Through the POV Character's Lens
Filter everything through your POV character's lens. If your MC can't know something unless it's directly told to them or they deduce it, use dialogue, use body language, use speculation.
Body Language as a Tool
The body language one gets a lot of questions in our Coaching & Critique group, because it can be challenging to show what a non-POV character is feeling without head hopping. The solution is to know how different emotions show up in body language. My favorite resource for this is The Emotion Thesaurus, by Angela Akerman and Becca Puglisi. The Emotion Thesaurus provides the physical characteristics and also the internal sensations for 130 different emotions, and it's an invaluable tool for authors who struggle with head hopping because it lets us use better language to describe how Character B is feeling if Character A is the POV.
Practical Example
Here's a practical example on using the physicalities of emotion instead of head hopping. This is taken from the end of chapter 1 of my first book, Mark of Stars:
Paramedics asked questions, police came and questioned some more, and then David sent them all home. Luke and the other operators went instead to a local pub to drink away the horror and guilt. Luke fully intended to get as sloshed as possible.
Two beers in, Nick asked Luke, “How did you get over to him so fast? It’s like you knew he was going to fall.”
Luke took a hard pull on his bottle, hands shaking. His eyes were red and puffy, but all of them had red and puffy eyes after the afternoon they’d had. “Gut instinct,” he muttered, eyes flickering to Nick’s hair.
Chris picked at the label on his beer bottle, a pile of paper shreds building in front of him. “Nick said you knew exactly what to say to him. I wish I had reactions that fast.”
Luke’s hands tightened around the neck of his beer bottle. “Feels more like a curse.”
Kellan shook his head, gravelly voice flowing over the group. “Not for him, I’m sure. If it were me...I’d want someone there who knew what to say when it happened.” The words plucked at Luke’s soul. “Thank God you did.”
Nick knocked back the rest of his beer and called for another round, this time of their native scotch.
Luke accepted the hard liquor but didn’t trust himself to speak again.
The primary examples of the physicalities of emotion here are Chris picking at the label of his beer bottle instead of Luke telling us that Chris feels grief and guilt, and when Nick knocks back the rest of his drink and gets another round, instead of Luke telling us that Nick didn't know what else to say. While both of those are true, the reader needs that information in a way that does not involve head hopping.
Critique Partners and Coaching Help
If you have trouble identifying head hopping in your own writing, a critique partner can help, whether you find one on your own or if you join our Coaching & Critique program alongside The 60 Day Novel Writing Challenge.
Conclusion
That's it for today's episode! If this has been helpful for you, I'd appreciate it if you left a rating or review on your platform of choice. While it does nothing for me, it does help other writers find this podcast.
Thanks for joining me, and remember, the first draft is supposed to be garbage.
Show Notes
Dive into the first episode of the Novel Writing Podcast with your host Colleen and her sometimes-guest Halie Fewkes Damewood! Here, we give you the gist of who we are, what we do, and what you can expect from this podcast.
What to do next…
Halie & Colleen are both authors! Find their books below:
Secrets of the Tally, by Halie Fewkes Damewood
The Chronicles of Talahm, by Colleen Mitchell
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